Disclaimer:
Um, yeah fourteen chapters and I am now thoroughly sick of these
things. I own nothing but Donella and her badass attitude.  So sue
me, but I ask you, if I had money would I really be writing
fanfiction? ;S

The
Botanist and the Beast

Chapter
14: Crisis: Of Conscience, Claddagh’s, and Christmas

Dear Alice,

You still have not
successfully recited ‘You Are Old, Father Williams’ and I will
not stand for your ignorance any longer. ‘You incessantly stand on
your head’   Indeed! I am writing the Queen next, your head may
function better without the distraction of being attached to your
body.

-The Caterpillar

I woke to the smell of clean sheets
and hot rice pudding as Rin jumped onto the bed and quickly snuggled
her icy body into my sanctuary. I gave a surprised shriek as her
chilly feet made contact with a toasty leg. The child burst into
uncontainable laughter. “You think that’s funny, Hotaru?” I
challenged with mock menace, but before she could reply my door flew
open and both Sesshomaru’s aura and his tense person were flung
into my room at an accelerated rate. Rin and I sat up immediately,
humor being replaced by apprehension as we simultaneously asked him
worried questions.

“What is it?”

“Sesshomaru-sama, should Rin hide?”

It took him a long time to reply as he
eyed me pensively, “Why did you cry out?”

The question caught me off guard and I
fought to hold back my laughter, I gave Rin a mocking look and waved
a scolding finger at her, “I apologize, Sesshomaru-sama, but my bed
and my sleep were disturbed quite suddenly by this child-shaped
iceberg. My exclamation was not meant to raise an alarm.” He gave
Rin a prickly look and I noticed it was the first time I’d ever
seen him without his armor. Wow, really nice! Bad thought, bad
thought stop. I felt humor from my eaves droppers but no remarks
were forthcoming as Sesshomaru sharply turned to leave. Impulsively I
called, “Sesshomaru-sama, I’m sorry we disturbed you, though if
you wish to join us for breakfast your attendance would not go
amiss.” He gave me a disdainful look, “I know the fair isn’t to
your taste, but the company would be appreciated.” He gave me
another drawn out look, and I felt a little panicked, Ok, I’ve
now completely lost my mind, what it the world was I thinking? God
now I wish he’d just leave.

“Indeed.” One word and it
stunned me to my core as he claimed a chair at the small table. Rin
gave me a mischievous look and bounded of the bed to take a seat next
to him. Why do I feel like woman waiting for her execution? I
cautiously slipped out of the warm blankets and grabbed the quilted
robe I’d left by the bed. While I tied the garish scarlet and black
garment on over my yukata, I suddenly wished I was anywhere else on
earth. Jamaica’s always nice, I thought savagely
Trying to make conversation I addressed the talkative child.

“I gather from the amazing smell of
that porridge that Jaken didn’t help you make it, Rin?” The child
just giggled and shook her head while she shyly hid her face. Oh
for crying out loud what is wrong with her? I tried again, “and
where is the asinine anuran this morning?” I asked as I poured tea
and offered the first dainty cup to Sesshomaru before pouring one for
myself.

“I think he’s still asleep,
Donella-sama, he was awful weird after you went to bed last night and
spent a reeeeeaaaally long time scrubbing the kitchen up.” I took a
thoughtful sip on my tea as I considered the odd behavior. Sheesh
maybe I should compliment him less often, the toad has a knack for
going overboard, I sighed.

“He has been acting pretty crazy
recently; maybe I should talk to him.” I murmured thoughtfully into
my cup.

Rin gripped my arm earnestly and I had
to scramble not to spill tea on her as she gazed up into my face,
“Please don’t, Donella-sama, he’s being very helpful and if you
talk to him he might stop.” I chuckled as I set my tea down while
she pulled back her arm.

“Naughty little imp, even Jaken
needs some consideration some times.” But I gave her a sly smile
and a wink, “I’ll let it be for a bit longer, but I’m afraid
that Jaken being helpful is going to be worse that Jaken being
disagreeable. If he doesn’t snap out of it by the time we leave it
may become a serious annoyance. Please, try to show him some mercy.”

“Sure thing, Boss!” She gave me a
quick salute before breaking into hysterical laughter and planting an
enthusiastic kiss on my cheek, “Thank you, Donella-sama! I’m
going to go take Jaken some pudding for all his hard work!” She
bounded from the room and with a sinking feeling; I realized I was
alone with Sesshomaru. I gave a rueful shake of my head as I focused
on my own pudding and not the close proximity of the beautiful yokai.
The meal progressed with only the small sounds of my eating and
infrequent, muted sipping noises from my companion to break the
silence. When the pudding was gone I pushed the dishes away and
refilled my teacup. Wordlessly Sesshomaru pushed his empty mug across
to me and I refilled it before reclaiming my own.

“Would it be tremendously
impertinent of me to ask where you went yesterday?” I asked,
raising half lidded eyes over my cup to look at his face as I sipped
my tea.

“You do not seem to be very
repentant of you past insolence. I do not see why it would bother you
over much at this juncture.” He replied smoothly.

I gave a small, good natured laugh, “I
was not attempting to be reverent; I was merely shrouding my interest
in the guise of courtesy.”

A corner of his mouth twitched upward
in a shadow of a smile before he hid it behind his cup. When he
spoke, he was expressionless once more, “I became aware of
malevolent magic being used in the vicinity and left to investigate
the source. That search led me back here.”

“The brigands and the witch,” I
observed, sipping my tea.

He gave me a short nod, “Though they
were not, evidently, a threat.”

“They seemed pretty threatening at
the time.” I remarked irritably.

“You did not appear to be ill at
ease, ningen.” I raised an eye brow. After all that crap
yesterday he’s back to name calling. “This Sesshomaru was in
fact astonished by your poise.” Compliments from him this early
in the morning could cause me to develop a heart condition.

I sighed and put my teacup down,
“Thank you Sesshomaru-sama, but I do not feel I handled the
situation very well.”

“Explain.” A small crease marred
his forehead in puzzlement, but only someone who spent a lot of time
around him would have noticed the unperceivable crease. I breathed an
even heavier sigh.

“I really wish I could have avoided
an altercation. I dislike participation in needless confrontations.”

“They destroyed several hitobitosettlements and killed a number of innocents; even by jinrui
standards their actions warranted death.” I was captivated by his
eyes. Even though the rest of his face remained an inscrutable mask,
his eyes were incredibly expressive, showing a wide range of
philosophy. Just then they were clouded with puzzlement. So that’s
the key, eyes really are the window to the soul. I thought with
satisfaction, and I felt a small measure of approval that I know came
from my mamo.

“I don’t disagree with you,
Sesshomaru-sama, they were definitely monsters and if they had pushed
the issue I would have killed them remorselessly. I’m glad,
however, that I’m not the one that will have to dig their graves.”

Those animated gold orbs narrowed
tightly, “You speak in circles, ningen. If you say you would have
killed them without pity how then can you be glad they survived.”

I gave him a grim half-smile, “I do
not regret that my hands are unstained by their blood, because I am
not overly fond of killing. I am, however, not pleased they continue
to live. I’m just glad I don’t have to waste my energy removing
their corpses from the courtyard.” His eyes widened a little at my
words and then narrowed reflectively. Did I surprise you? I
wondered, but there were no sighs and I busied myself with gathering
the breakfast things back onto the tray.

He stood, “Your sword skills have
improved; it is obvious to this Sesshomaru that you will no longer
require luck to win most of your battles, Donella-san.” I faced him
from my chair across the table, but mentally I was blown clear out of
the stratosphere. I’m not sure if it was the unexpected praise or
the use of my name for the second time in twenty-four hours, but my
stomach did flip flops and my brain spun into the black void of
space. Struggling for words I stood and reached for the teacup in his
hand.

As he handed it to me our fingers
brushed. I blushed furiously at the lurch my stomach gave and
murmured awkwardly, “Ah, thank you, Sesshomaru-sama; I will regard
that as a compliment.”

He made a wordless grunt
in response as I placed the troublesome cup on the tray and watched
him; waiting for him to leave. He lingered there for several moments;
gazing back at me with an inscrutable expression in is vivid eyes.
Then, as if compelled, he looked away and strolled from the room.

Just when I think he’s finally mellowing out, he finds new ways
to be creepy and enigmatic.

I shook my head in
confusion as I went about the onerous task of dressing myself for the
day. At least I’m in the Sengoku Jidai and not the Edo period or
I’d probably be reduced to dressing like a man to avoid all the
complicated etiquette involved with tying my obi.

Aye, lass, ‘tisn’t
a bad idea, ye might try it out by asking that white haired pup if’n
ye can try on his trews. Uacteran sniggered.

I snorted my disgust, If
your going to waste your energy talking to me can it at least be mamo
who does it? You’re more pig than canine, seanathair. I was
grateful when I didn’t receive a response and indolently, I made my
way down the hall to the common room in search of my companions.

To my surprise
Sesshomaru was with them, idly watching Rin and Jaken as they
decorated the walls and furniture with glee. I stood in the doorway
for several moments, stunned by the festive air and thoughtfulness of
my friends. A small Umbrella Pine was positioned to my right and
evergreen boughs from the same species were ornamentally placed
everywhere. Someone had also twisted the difficult wood into a large
wreath which they then adorned with silk ribbon, children’s toys,
and Japanese Holly before positioning it on the far wall near the
round hearth. Jaken was busy flitting about the room hanging Ume
flowers and humming tunelessly. Sesshomaru noticed my arrival
immediately, but he said nothing as I watched the proceedings raptly.

The previous year I’d
used Chinese Tallow Berries in place of mistletoe and I was
overwhelmed to see Rin scampering about with several branches of the
waxy white berries; gleefully placing them over every framed opening
in the room. Finally, she turned to hall entrance and seeing me,
dropped her burden and rushed forward exclaiming, “Donella-sama!
What do you think? It was Jaken-sama’s idea, does it look
chrissmassy?” The girl leapt at me. Catching her up into a hug I
held her in my arms as I continued to study the room. At Rin’s
outburst Jaken had paused in his work and cowered expectantly by
fire. Sesshomaru just continued to give me the same inscrutable look
from his location in the corner.

We all remained in that
pose for a long while as I fought my overwhelming emotions and the
tears of joy filling my eyes. God, they really are something. I
thought as the love I felt for this mismatched band of vagabonds
threatened to send me into an undignified fit. “Don’t you like
it, Donella-sama?” Rin asked concern furrowing her brow and making
her voice sound tiny and uncertain. I gave her a rough squeeze.

“No, Hotaru, I
absolutely love it.” I whispered and Jaken visibly relaxed as he
let out a long held breath.

“Then why were you so
quiet, Donella-sama? You worried Rin.” Her uncertainty had melted
into childish annoyance and I laughed shakily as I set her down.

“I was just thinking
how very, very lucky I was that you found me in that cave, Hotaru.”
I beep the child’s nose and she giggled.

Jaken’s shrill voice
drew my attention to him, “Donella-sama, there are apples in the
cold cellar, I am not sure if they are enough to make your cider, but
I recall last years to be quite good.” He remarked sheepishly.

“Really, Jaken,
because I recall a certain Kappa tell me last year that
he’d experienced warm urine that tasted better.”

The toad blushed
furiously as he bellowed, “Well perhaps I believe you will do
better this year and wish to encourage you pathetic endeavors,
woman!”

I beamed at him, “Well
since you put it so nicely, toad, I suppose I will
employ myself in the kitchen today attempting to improve my culinary
skills. However, there are just a few items this room still needs to
finish its festive adornment. I’ll be right back.” I hurried to
the weaving room and pulled out my first real gifts to my new family.
Last year I gave Rin a hair ribbon and fed her and Jaken makeshift
Christmas fare. This year I had a very well stocked castle’s
resources at my disposal and, in the weeks we had occupied the place,
I’d put my free time to use creating several individual gifts for
the quartette.

I stumbled back into the
common room moments later with my arms laden with paper wrapped gifts
and four hand sewn stockings. With three sets of eyes watching me
curiously, I gently placed the load under the unembellished tree and
then I took the stockings and positioned them on the wall with the
wreath.

Sesshomaru’s was
first, a simple white silk creation. In red thread I had
painstakingly embroidered is name in both English and kanji down the
side and placed the beehive and flower pattern from his kimono on the
toe. Little, silver bells adorned the opening of each stocking and
they jiggled merrily as I hung them up. Mine was a dark almost black
purple with burgundy trim and lettering, as well as the O’Conghaile
family crest complete with knot work and snarling green dog on its
toe. Jaken’s was light brown with a bright green cuff; his name ran
down the side in yellow lettering and a floating lily pad in sky blue
water decked the bottom.

In the morning Jaken
would unwrap his gifts to find a thickly quilted wool and fur blanket
lined with soft green silk and a new leather/wool cloak for harsh
weather. Sesshomaru’s present was small next to the mountain of
gifts for Rin, but it was all I could decide for him. The hand
painted, claddagh pendant took two days to make, several failed molds
and firings in the shiro’s ancient kiln before, with a great deal
of trepidation, I eventually at a piece I could string on a black
silk cord.

Three of the stockings
would be stuffed generically with nuts and dried fruit while special
bars of cherry scented soap would be given to Rin and three digit
gloves for Jaken. As special considerations I didn’t bother putting
food stuffs into Sesshomaru’s stocking, only a hand written
translation of “Beauty and the Beast”, though I was uncertain
about its intelligibility or reception.

I had put the most
thought and effort into Sesshomaru’s gift and stocking, but Rin’s
consumed the most of my time. The orange and yellow quilting of her
stocking made the green letters of her name and the snowy petals of
the cherry blossoms at the toe glow as three fireflies swarmed around
the festive bells on its cuff. In the paper wrapped packages that
bore her name she would find a pair of winter boots, a douchuugi to
match her kimono, a small backpack and five dolls resembling all of
us. I’d cursed and bled over the two headed dragon and I had
nightmares over Sesshomaru’s reaction to his tiny silken double,
but I could not bring myself to leave him out. Ah-Un would be graced
with a new saddle blanket and the anticipation of everyone reactions
to my offerings had me quite giddy.

“Donella-sama! They
are beautiful! Look at the cute hotaru, and Rin loves her sakura
flowers!” Rin proclaimed exaltedly as she immediately rubbed the
soft fabric of the stocking between her fingers, Jaken seemed to be
moved to brink of tears, though I was certain he didn’t understand
the significance of the ornament. Even Sesshomaru eyed his
suspiciously as he ran an inquiring finger over the Latin letters,
before aiming a pointed look in my direction.

“What do these symbols
represent?” Great, he hates it.

I blushed, as a ball of
anxiety tangled my intestines, “It is how your name would appear in
my language, Sesshomaru-sama.” His eyes narrowed.

Gratefully Rin
interrupted any further inquires, “Donella-sama! You made Rin
presents, and their soft!” She declared squeezing the nearest
package enthusiastically, “Can Rin open them? Please, please,
please?” I laughed.

“I made gifts for
everyone, Hotaru, but today isn’t Christmas. You have to wait until
tomorrow.” The girl gave me a rebellious look but nodded as she put
the parcel back with its compatriots with a sluggishness born from
longing.

“Why don’t you help
me prepare the sweets and cider for tomorrows feast? I’ll let you
clean the bowls.” I offered invitingly knowing her idea of
‘cleaning’ was to use her fingers to remove all the batter.

“Sure thing, Boss!”
She cried and bounded from the room in the direction of the kitchen.
Laughing I made to follow her.

“Donella-sama,”
Jaken’s voice was rough with emotion and I gave him my full
attention.

“Yes, Jaken?” I
asked, agitated by the kappa’s tone and Sesshomaru’s movements as
he returned to his corner station.

“Make a lot of those
bricks you call cookies, we may have to use them to fuel the New Year
bonfire.” I gave him a gentle cuff on his shoulder for the slight,
but we were both smiling.

“Only if you do
something about that tree, it looks naked, and find me some candles
or something.” I remarked with faux severity as left him and
perturbing master alone.

Late that night,
Sesshomaru caught wearily filling stocking. “You should be
sleeping, Donella-san.” I seriously thought about revoking my
permission for him to use my name, it was far more disquieting to my
emotional state than, ningen was.

“Adults aren’t
supposed to get much sleep on Christmas Eve, it’s a tradition.” I
replied with a smile as I replaced Rin’s stocking and turned to
look at him, but he was examining the now decorated tree.

“What is the purpose
of this?”

“Ironically, a dead
tree in your home is a symbol of hope, but frankly I think it’s
just a way to distract children from the temptation of presents.” I
wandered to the table and poured myself some tea, but it had long
since grown cold and had become bitter. I placed the pot and cups
back on the tray as he asked.

“What do the branches
and other rubbish represent?” I raised an eyebrow at his slighting
words.

“Evergreen boughs are
to keep evil at bay since Yule is the time of the Wild Hunt and to
show that even in the depth of winter there is life. The holly is
dear to the sidhe, symbolizes eternal life, and the Tallow berries
are the closest thing I can find to mistletoe this far from home.”
I smile over the recent memory of Rin antics over the ornament. She
had ambushed Jaken and I under the bough several times throughout the
day and the kappa was incensed over her giggling tricks. She’d even
managed to press a kiss into Sesshomaru’s palm once, to the yokai’s
complete astonishment. Only one berry left by the hall door, and
six there to the kitchen. Though no one has tried climbing out the
window yet Rin has been busy, poor Jaken. I chuckled softly.

“And what does it
represent?” Sesshomaru pressed taking a seat next to me.

A recollection of my
brother Matt popped absurdly into my head. I couldn’t suppress my
grin as I replied, “A trap.” He raised an inquisitive eyebrow and
my smile broadened. “Tradition mandates that, unless you want to
bring misfortune upon yourself, any two people caught under the
mistletoe must kiss, and remove a berry from the decoration. If there
are no berries left then the good fortune has been dispersed and the
obligation is removed. However, if fruit remain at the end of the
holiday, then they should be burned on the Yule fire to avoid the ire
of the fairy folk.” I looked at the ornament reminiscently, “My
brother always said it was an evil holiday trap, orchestrated by old
ladies and girls to force him to have to kiss people like Aunt Katie
and cousin May. He’d spend whole Christmases trying to avoid the
rooms with mistletoe.” I gave a small chuckle at the memory of my
poor brother at age nine being dragged, kicking and screaming under
the mistletoe by Aunt Gertrude.

“Hmmm,” He replied
thoughtfully, “So that his why Rin behaved in such an absurd
manner.” He paused for a moment as his hand disappeared into his
sleeve, “Tell me then, what is the meaning of this?” His hand
flew out and placed something on the table. Looking down, I saw the
claddagh I’d made lying on the polish wood between us.

I gave him a wry smile,
“Well to begin with I would say it means Rin wasn’t the one I
should have been lecturing to about the virtues of patience.”

“This Sesshomaru does
not have to abide by your meaningless directives, answer my
question,” He replied with a disdainful sniff.

I rolled my eyes at him
as I idly traced the crown, letting my touch wander down to one of
the hands that held the heart aloft, Well their often exchanged by
lovers to show affection or given as wedding gifts… I’m so

glad I thought this through!  “It’s called a claddagh; each
part represents a virtue. They are given as a token of,” I paused
briefly in a struggle to find an innocuous word, “friendship.”
Safe! Now I just have to get past the heart and I can go kick
myself in the shelter and privacy of my own room, “The hands
represent friendship, the heart: devotion. The crown signifies
loyalty and nobility. If we were in my time I probably would have
given you a CD and a book, but my resources were limited and I would
have felt callous if I’d left you completely out of the
festivities.” I let my hand curl around the ornament; Well I
tried, “Though I admit it was a mediocre conception. If you
don’t care for such things I can always…” The speed at which
the pendant was snatched from my loose fingers halted me.

“This Sesshomaru did
not say he disliked the object, ningen. Do not presume.” He
remarked frostily as the clay adornment disappeared somewhere up his
sleeve. I’ll take that as a positive reaction I guess.

Feeling a bit
discomfited by the elation that one, small gesture of acceptance gave
me, I struggled to change the subject, “May I ask how long you plan
for us to wait here?” My nervous fingers worried the sleeve of my
kimono, I watched them absentmindedly.

“The extreme cold of
winter nights is unsuitable for Rin’s fragile body. You will
therefore remain here until spring.” His tone had the finality of
an order and it made me look up at him sharply.

“So you expect us to
meekly sit here while you continue to search for Naraku?” My tone
was severe but he didn’t seem to register my presumption as he
calmly answered.

“I would expect a
great deal more from you, ningen, but I have found that you would
disregard such logical behavior. However, I do not see that you have
much choice in this particular matter.” As smooth and passionless
as a frozen pond, his words ignited mutiny in me.

“I’m not sure I
should be listening to a lecture on logical behavior from a man who
continues to pursue the same antagonist, with near fatal results, and
never manages to gain anything by it.” His eyes narrowed
dangerously.

“You presume too much,
ningen, how dare you reproach this Sesshomaru.” His voice was a
treacherous growl that sent a shiver through my body and made my hair
stand on end.

Big bully, always
relying on brute strength and intimidation, fuck you. I kept my
voice calm when I replied, “I dare because no one else will; I dare
because it’s the reason Jaken worries himself sick, but you ignore
him. I dare because Rin worships you like a god and I’m the one
who’s going to have to watch her fall to pieces when you get
yourself killed to prove you aren’t.”

“You believe I would
be so easily defeated, ningen?” Anger flashed brightly in his eye.

“I believe I have seen
you closer to it that I ever wish to and Byakuya is only a part of
that abomination. I’m not certain why this means so much to you.
Perhaps it’s pride or honor or some need to prove you are stronger
than he is, but if defeating Naraku could be done by brute strength
alone you would have been finished with him already.” Hi eyes were
beginning to take on a familiar evil glow but I pressed on with the
memory of his weak, battered body fresh in my mind, “I’m not
saying that you can’t defeat Naraku, I believe with my entire being
that you can, but not the way your going about it.” I angrily
balled my hands into fists and glared into his menacing eyes, and
snarled, “What frustrates me the most is I know you’re smarter
than that. You’re smarter than him, but you keep chasing him around
and playing his pathetic games instead of devising one of your own
and I can’t sit silently by and watch you kill yourself that way.”
I choked on the emotion that had some how lodged themselves in my
throat as I dashed the tears from my eyes with trembling hands. God!
Why am I crying? I don’t want to cry in front of him.

I averted my face and
stood abruptly, intent on leaving him before I could make a bigger
fool of myself, but his clawed hand shot out and retrained my wrist
in a death grip. The contacted made me glare down at him, heedless of
my tear stained appearance as I tugged uselessly on the captured
limb. “Sit, ningen, there are things I would say to you.” He
growled.

“I am sorry for that,
Sesshomaru-sama, because I don’t believe I am in a frame of mind to
listen at the moment.” I gave another furious tug on my captured
limb, but his grip was unyielding.

“You will listen,
Donella-san.” The use of my name and the inexorable grasp on my
wrist quelled my rebellion; I looked away sullenly as I sat.

“Since I have little
choice in the matter, would you at least keep your admonishments
brief, the sun will be up soon and I wish to bathe before the others
wake.” Silently he turned my hand over and examined my callused
palm; he loosened his hold on my extremity to cup the back of my hand
in his large palm while he gently ran his thumb over the tough skin.
A small tingle went through me at the unexpected touch and I tried to
pull my hand away but his clutch tightened again as he looked to my
angry, downcast face.

“The sun is still
several hours from rising, ningen. Seeing as I have no intention of
reprimanding you for your unacceptable behavior, I am certain you
will have adequate time to bathe.” I stared at an embroidered
flower on my obi and remained assiduously silent. He made an
impatient noise and grabbing hold of my chin forced me to meet his
icy gaze. It was a wonder than I didn’t melt those frozen depth
with the furnace of fury that burned from my own grief wracked orbs,
he let his hand drop, but I continued to glower at him.

“Time is not measured
by yokai the way it is by you ningen, a span of decades mean very
little to my kind, but some events require an accurate accounting and
are remembered. Five years ago, Naraku abducted Rin from my care
thinking that I could be coerced into killing Inuyasha in exchange
for her life. At that time she had only been following me for a few
cycles of the moon, yet I had some how grown accustomed to her
presence.” I broke in with a derisive snort; I think it was the
tears and my own hurt dignity that made me lash out at him so
vehemently.

“Please he wounded
your pride by taking Rin and insulted you by his attempt at
manipulation. I believe you have a soft spot for the girl now, but
that’s obviously from years of association not some passing
fondness of a few months. I may be human, but I’m not foolish or
sentimental enough to believe your vendetta against Naraku has to do
with anyone else but you and you alone, Sesshomaru-sama. You insult
my intelligence if you expect me to believe anything else.” His
hand shot out and enclosing my jaw in an iron hard grip that forced
me violently into silence. Wow, deja vu.

“Do not interrupt me
again, ningen.” I kept my eyes steadily locked with his as,
ironically, I felt my heart slowed and I grew calmer.

“Fine.” I retort
dully. He loosened his fingers and withdrew his hand. I realized that
he was no longer physically detaining me, but I decided not to test
his patience and remained sitting as he continued.

“During that
encounter, Naraku attempted to goad me several times into doing his
bidding. The coward does not like to dirty his hands. Instead he
manipulated a boy named Kohaku as well as his minion Kagura to do his
will in an attempt to eliminate Inuyasha and absorb my own power.”
I had heard the story from both Rin and Jaken, but the account
Sesshomaru gave was more analytical, more detailed and in his
defense, not very flattering of his own impetus. “You are right to
say that I was initially motivated by anger and slighted honor, but
as the years pass Naraku’s malevolent existence has become
intolerable and cost too much. I will be unable to continue my own
endeavors until I see his end at my hands, but It has only been
recently, with the introduction of you bauble, that I have been
forced into these distracting skirmishes with his incarnation.” He
took some time in the explanation of his search for Naraku’s heart,
and his plans to destroy it. It was like a light bulb had been turned
on in my head. When he had been silent for a prolonged time I finally
spoke dejectedly.

“If I hadn’t come
here you wouldn’t have to play this cat and mouse game with
Byakuya. Why in the world didn’t you just leave me in the woods
when you had the chance? Rin and Jaken’s discontentedness over my
absence would eventually fade, but my continued presence is nothing
more than a liability to your mission.” I again felt the futility
of my circumstances and the uselessness that had plagued me since my
arrival. Folding my head to the table I murmured into my shielding
arms, “How am I supposed to be of any assistance if I am the cause
of so much hardship?” I felt a wordless comforting within me and
knew my mamo was attempting to sooth my anxiety without wasting the
energy of speech. I closed my eyes against more tears and breathed
deeply.

“Baka, ningen, while
it is true, your company is not required, and may have caused some
minor difficulties in the past; there have been a number of occasions
where you have proven yourself quite valuable. Though lacking in
common sense, your courage in the face of adverse circumstances has
also been of some small assistance. Also, since your last parting, it
has become obvious to this Sesshomaru that your absence at this time
would cause Jake and Rin to be more than discontent.” I lifted my
head a little to see his vexed features, “In the time the kappa has
been in my service I have never seen him in such an appalling state,
I was almost forced to kill, him, again.” I chuckled at that.
Initially it was the shock of his obvious attempt to comfort me that
banished my grief, but then his reassurances had made me feel
genuinely better. I gave him a limp smile that was incompletely
concealed by the fall of my hair and I was glad that my sorrow
wrecked appearance was obscured.

“A few days after my
arm was injured in that fall, Jaken told me the story of how you,
‘tested’ your sword. I believe he was attempting to reassure me
that there are worse possible fates than a few bruises. Though I must
admit, it was an appalling tale, Sesshomaru-sama.”

He made a pained noise,
“Jaken speaks to freely. However, I have more effective methods of
expel my dissatisfactions than abusing Jaken. Though, occasionally I
will revert to by old practices, I do not believe you require me to
apply the same measures to modify your unsuitable conduct.” I
narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. Leaning forward he gently
pushed my hair back behind my ear and when I tried to hide behind my
arms again I felt his index finger press my chin warningly. I stilled
and when I spoke I felt the edge his incredibly sharp claw poised to
break the skin at the slightest misstep.

One minute he’s
nice and the next he’s reminding me I’m walking a razor’s edge.
God, grant me strength.

Hush child, he’s
nay gonna hurt ya. Donella’s voice was a warning of its own and
it annoyed me.

You hush; no one
need’s a peanut gallery at a time like this.

But do ya really
grasp what sorta time this is? Uacteran’s voice in my mind was
mocking.

You, I really don’t
need right now! I scolded and they remained silent, but they had
helped raise my ire towards the canine control freak holding me
captive. “And what unsuitable manner am I displaying at this moment
that requires this coercion, Sesshomaru-sama?”

“I will not have you
hiding like a child while I speak to you, Donella-san. I would have
you,” he paused for only a second. Through the emotional flutter
the use of my name had caused within my person, I noted that he was
having difficulty explaining himself, yet his voice remained as stoic
as always, “look toward me, directly.” I frowned slightly at the
odd statement, ‘I would have you look toward me, directly’?

Why the hell can’t he just come out and tell me what turbulence
is rolling under the surface of that icy mask? Why must he leave me
tilting at windmills with these obscure acts and indiscernible
phrases?

My brows were still
furrowed in confusion, but my answer was conciliatory, “As you
like, Sesshomaru-sama.” His touch slid gently from my chin, almost
caressingly, although I was certain he was incapable of such an
intention.

“I will tolerate no
more discussion of your leaving. You are,” again that slight,
bewildering pause, “significant to this endeavor, Donella-san,” I
opened my mouth to reply but the words were stuck behind an
embarrassingly large yawn and I covered my mouth politely as I
blushed. Thank God for small distractions.

“My apologies,
Sesshomaru-sama, the hour is late and I am fatigued. Before my
involuntary reaction to the time, I had intended to say that I will
not broach the subject again until Naraku is dead. If that is what
you wish.” I’m not certain what reaction I was expecting, but I
know it was not the agitated scowl I received from him or his
impatient, dismissive response.

“It will do, go bathe
and take your rest, Donella-san, dawn approaches.” His tone was
almost sullen. I nodded my acceptance, but his behavior puzzled me as
I absently gathered the tea tray into my arms and made my way to the
door. He got his way didn’t he, what was he expecting me to say?

Gah, lass yer
hopeless the man wanted ye to say ye’d stay.

Uacteran’s
exasperated exclamation annoyed me. I did say I’d stay!

Nay lass, Uacteran
has it right ye dinna tell him what he needed ye ta.

And what is that?
I demanded angrily as I reached the doorway, but my internal
monologue ended as I struggled to slide the door open with my tray
laden hands. The cups rattled lousily against the tea pot as I
labored with the contraption and the juggled load. Ten Sesshomaru was
next to me; sliding the door open, I gave him a shy smile. “Thank
you, Sesshomaru-sama.”

I turned to go but he
blocked my exit with his body, pressing me back into the door jamb.
Startled and a bit frightened by the aggressive behavior; I was
unprepared when he leaned forward and brushed my lips gently with his
own. My brain went numb and my blood boiled in my veins as my heart
tried to make a kamikaze dive from my chest. I felt my eyes go wide
is astonishment as he drew back and reached above the frame to remove
the last berry from its branch. “I do not believe I wish to risk
misfortune from foreign magic, it is good that the enchantment has
been dispelled now,” I still could not get my vocal cords to work
or the jello between my ears to invent anything to say as, in a
rustle of silk, he disappeared down the hall.

Authors Notes:

The Christmas
episode! ;) Also classes start tomorrow so posts may slow down a bit,
but I’ll still be working on this, probably as much as my
dissertation. So if you think it’s slow just remember: so is what
the peer review at the college is getting!  

Please bear with me
I am only a second year student of the language:

Ningen: Human
(individual person)

Hitobito: Humans
(A group) (I think)

Jinrui:
Humankind/Humanity

Thanks to all my
readers and special thanks as always to Tootsiepop254: who
listens when the plunnies attack.

My Best friend CrackGerbal: Who will never read this, Thanks for annoying me!

Arveal: You have
managed to hang in there and read loyally, even when I garble the
English into incomprehensibility, Thank you so much!!! I hope the
translation helps!

FeatherGriffin:
Your cunning and eager reviews keep me not only on my toes, but
fervently tapping away to continue the story, thank you.

Wandering Hitokiri and
Tsubasa Kya: So Glad you like them! They make me giggle with glee
to write.

Suki dah Turdle,
sueariel, HikoCassidy, FaintlyAlarming, InuDstories, Inusbabe,

inusrosebudforlife, JamminChick93613, moonprincess,  and
all the rest: Thank you so much for your reviews. They’re
like crack, makes me all giggly and eager to tap at my keyboard until
4am.   Please keep reading!